From the "Classic Applications" File...

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Storm
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From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Storm » October 4th, 2010, 2:09 pm

Hello Skunkworkers, if you're unfamiliar with me, I am already on your guild list as a social member. Someday, I'd like to be a raider.

Once upon a time last November, I was in a guild called <Escalation> on the Turalyon server. We raided 4 nights per week, 5 counting ten mans, for a grand total of about 30 hours per week. I didn't miss a raid for months, and I was a really good player. Sometimes I even appeared on wowmeteronline, 7th on 25-man faction champions (heroic) and 9th on 25m General Vezax hardmode.

Now I suck. Not because I've gotten worse (impossible!) or because the game has gotten harder, but because I took a multi-month break and now my gear and fight experience are both hopelessly behind.

Here's where you come in: as a 25 man raiding guild with a schedule I can handle, I would allow you to bring me to every raid you go on from now until whenever and I won't even complain. You should take on faith that I'm as good as a I say I am, maybe check my achievements, and then move a more qualified raider out of his or her position so you can drag me through the fights the two times I'll need to start playing like a pro again. After my skills are back in place, obviously hook me up with the ridiculous amount of loot I'll need to become relevant.

So all that's gonna happen. I'm sure that since I've already convinced you that I am the best of all possible raiders, you really just want to bask in the warmth from the angelic nimbus (or french fry heat lamps) that floats around my ilvl 239 armory profile. I'm no tease, here I am:

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If you're interested in the gear I'm rocking, that's a standard issue Culver's spoon-studded paper hat with a Ragveil attachment (nonfloral). Hugging my neck is a custard-stained corporate tie, and on my back is a front apron, sized appropriately for the 16 year old girls that are supposed to have the job that I, the 6'3'' 21 year old ape man, currently do. That cape is reinforced with a water resistant Sysco white apron. On my standard black belt hangs a squirty bottle armed with Multi Quat 146, a food-grade sanitizing solution. I'm wielding a quart ladle, whose nonviolent uses are limited, and violent uses seem just the opposite. In my offhand I have a Culver's (tm) custard scoop, perfect for dishing up the 50,000th dish of custard I gave to a kid who was scared of me until he discovered that I knew where the sprinkles were.

WHAT TO EXPECT IF PROMOTED

• A very manly voice in Ventrilo
• A guild bank missing items placed in tabs available to Raiders
• Singing female pop-songs after big boss kills, complete with cracking voice and apologies
• Other guilds to be impressed with how many Neatpete's your guild has.

I know I can't think of anybody I'd rather raid with than me, and you shouldn't either.

[edit: Neatpete was eventually given a trial and is a current raider.]
Are you going to bark all day little doggy? Or are you going to bite?
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Crafty
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Crafty » October 4th, 2010, 2:44 pm

I wish I had gotten Culver's for lunch today
.
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Aerivore
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Aerivore » October 4th, 2010, 4:14 pm

OMG HE LIED. WHERE ARE MY POP SONGS SUNG IN A VOICE THAT CRACKS?!
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Sylnir
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Sylnir » October 4th, 2010, 5:16 pm

Lulz
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Kyth: Anything you do is cool by definition.
Graylo
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Graylo » October 4th, 2010, 5:58 pm

hmmmm... Culvers
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Coptic
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Coptic » October 4th, 2010, 7:05 pm

Well this clinches it. I'm coming back bitches.
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Alu
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Alu » February 11th, 2014, 5:59 pm

Neatpete wrote:• Singing female pop-songs after big boss kills, complete with cracking voice and apologies

Currently not delivering:

Digiorno's Pizza
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Bjorn
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Bjorn » February 11th, 2014, 8:23 pm

Alu wrote:
Neatpete wrote:• Singing female pop-songs after big boss kills, complete with cracking voice and apologies

Currently not delivering:

Digiorno's Pizza
OP


Pretty sure Garrosh will drop as soon as Pete stretches out those vocal cords
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Dukc
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Dukc » February 12th, 2014, 2:15 am

My raiders forced me to sing all of poker face on mumble last tier after we killed H Durumu in one night. Be careful what you promise :(
Tashur
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Re: From the "Classic Applications" File...

Postby Tashur » February 12th, 2014, 2:20 am

I'm wondering if Storm's iphone broke and he was really, really desperate for entertainment today.
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